castielcampbell:

eaglamon:

warriorchicken:

warriorchicken:

Last summer, we went to London for a vacation and I bought a queen Elizabeth mask. We then went to number 10 downing st and I demanded they let me in.

Oddly enough, he didn’t buy it. 

I even tried to bribe him with a knighthood and one of my many castles.

Forgot my bloody key, and Phillip won’t open the door.

Lazy git.

… that policeman is my dad…

at least you know he had a good day

thegaysassyfrenchy:

squirtle-daddy:

alwaysabeautifullife:

alwaysabeautifullife:

alwaysabeautifullife:

alwaysabeautifullife:

alwaysabeautifullife:

alwaysabeautifullife:

So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it

Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame

Here’s the ones I came up with so far

“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”

“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”

“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”

“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”

“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”

Catholic edition:

“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”

“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”

So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street

Ok so I walked down the block and I found him

Update

Your son is named Egg.

Every part of this is hilarious

its-the-val-pal:

its-the-val-pal:

its-the-val-pal:

anxietyproblem:

fairycosmos:

look. i don’t think my stretch marks are beautiful. i don’t think they’re tiger stripes or natural tattooos. i don’t think my acne is beautiful. i don’t think the bags under my eyes are beautiful. i just think they’re human. and i don’t think i have to be beautiful all of the time in order to be accepted and loved and sucessful. i don’t think every small detail of my outer appearence needs to be translated into prettiness.

shucktsubo:

ginger-ale-official:

musclemancer:

ginger-ale-official:

musclemancer:

there is no difference between coke, pepsi, doctored pepper, sprites, ginger’s ale, root’s beered, mountain do, all of them. theyre all exactly the same.

hohoho! comparing these other drinks to ginger ale is like sticking you hand in a blender! because in both situations… heh you’ll know soon enough

hi “ginger-ale-official”.

thanks for your comment on my post.

except, no thanks.

your heart will stop beating at 9:10 PM EST on 2018/04/30

make the best of your remaining time!

Venus :)

I got rid of my heart twenty five years ago to make room! (for ginger ale) do not fear though friend! Your reckoning will soon be upon you!

I am witnessing a conversation between two gods.